Thank you so much for joining me in this process of healing and learning. What you are about to read below is a part of a series of letters to my younger self.
This project began when I was connecting with a dear sister of mine and she asked: "What would it look like to write letters to your younger mystic self?"
That idea really struck a chord with me - to imagine my younger self receiving these letters felt like such a gift, like sweet medicine.
And I desired to share these letters with you, my dear community, as I imagine that perhaps, a younger or current version of yourself may also wish to feel into these words.
Dear Mystic 20-year-old Elle,
This is the summer that you will live with someone who will feel like a sister, like a soul mate, like a lost twin soul, with the sound of waves crashing outside your window.
This whole summer, a conversation that you had during the last days of your sophomore year will repeat in your head, over and over again.
The boy, after kissing you: “So, tell me, where do you go, sometimes?”
You, being reminded of your body: “What do you mean?”
The boy, looking you in the eyes: “Well, your body is here, next to me, but you…*you*...you go somewhere else sometimes. I can see your body but I can’t see *you*...it’s like you’re off somewhere. Your mind or spirit flies away for a little bit.”
You, totally confused: “Oh. Well. I’m not sure, really.”
And so, as you share American Spirit cigarettes with your friend, making art, and taking walks so that you can visit your favorite tree of all time, you will think about this.
Do you go somewhere? Where do you go?
As this has been something you have done your whole life, without realizing it, to have someone point it out and show it to you feels raw and revolutionary at the same time.
Learning how to ground would be something that would be so extremely beneficial for you, dear mystic Elle. Perhaps close your eyes and journey to that favorite tree, and become that tree. Listen to the sound of the ocean and allow it to mimic your breath. Find child’s pose in the grass, as the sun warms your skin. Find yourself in your body, remember it throughout the day. Love it.
Many puzzle pieces will come together this year - and expand themselves outwards to form a greater tapestry of your journey.
This summer, you will read the first half of House of Leaves, listening to Poe, and have an odd understanding of how a house could do such a thing. The mystery of it all pulls you in to something that feels so familiar, like a dream you had once.
After you practiced yoga for the first time - a guest came to your modern dance class - it felt like a coming home. Keep practicing this, keep looking for the “more” beyond the postures that you intuitively know is there. You will find such love and devotion to the eight limbs. This is one of the ways that you will learn how to come into the body and be here, fully here and present.
Please, above all else, keep making art, taking photos, writing poems, building sacred online spaces. Hold this piece of you dear. This outpouring of expression is your soul’s medicine, a cosmic elixir for your journey.
As you go to the library and take out books full of paintings by Raphael, poems by Margaret Atwood, and design magazines, check out the section on religion and spirituality. See what is there, see what will guide you forward.
When, in another section of the library, one of your dear teachers plants a seed of Stregheria in a conversation, follow that thread and ask her more about it. This is one of those things that you will regret not doing later on.
I know that right now you are feeling a calling to practice a spiritual connection with someone else. What would it look like, you wonder, to sit in a circle and cultivate a shared spiritual experience?
While you and T will dive into an intuitive exploration and games and journey into each other’s dreams this year between drawing marathons,know that it’s also okay to walk forward on this journey guided by your own passions and desires. You don’t need to wait for anyone else. You can continue forward, on your own, for a little bit, and it will be okay. You can always talk to T about what is coming up for you - she will listen, she will understand, she will believe. But also honor her own journey, and allow her to follow her own passions and spiritual quest as well.
You two will walk to the magic shop together with C, and they will buy a Tarot deck to share, a deck that they will let you work with and play with. This will be transformative. As you explore this art and experiment with it, many things will unfold for you. These Tarot cards are a portal for you - work with them often.
I know you feel like you are constantly beginning again, constantly “new” at something - but remember, you have been on this spiritual quest since you were small - all of these different pieces may seem so distinct, but they will all weave together, eventually.
Your Self in 2017