Yesterday my husband and I were sitting on the couch, chatting with warm tea in our hands, and he asked me to do a Tarot reading for him.
One reading turned into an hour long exploration of the symbols and mantras of the cards. We dove together into the archetypes of the Major Arcana, the court cards, and the advice of the Minor Arcana. Clarity was found, a direction was given, and a path unfolded.
Afterwards, a question came up for me.
"What do I need to do to heal?"
A little background: I finally found a doctor who listened to me, who saw the pattern in my symptoms, and who acknowledged that what I am feeling is real. That listening, that understanding, was healing in itself. He set up a test for me to discover if I actually have Lyme or not, and I should be hearing the results this week.
Last week I had the honor of seeing my heart. The cardiologists told me it was beautiful. I got to see the valves pumping, and the gorgeous dance of the movement of my heart. I got to listen to the song of my heart. The woman who showed me this were so kind and gentle. They explored the intricacies of my heart as though it were a marvel, and really, it is. Hearing that all was well with my heart was a relief.
So as I was shuffling the deck with my question, I knew what card I was going to get. It was a card that I was, honestly, a bit afraid to get. But before I pulled it, I thought, "if I get the three of swords, it's because I need to energetically pull the swords out."
And then, I pulled my card. There is was: The Three of Swords, upside down.
Now, I usually don't see cards as being reversed unless they fall out of the deck that way. But then I looked at it...and realized that if the card is upside down, it's easier for the swords to fall out.
I then pulled another card, because I felt called to. The 10 of Wands, also reversed, showed itself to me.
Traditionally, this card shows a man carrying ten wands (or sticks) and it is obvious that he is carrying a heavy load, a burden.
When the card is upside down, though, the sticks become easier to unload and fall away, and his burden is lifted.
My answer was something I already knew, deep inside. I called it before I even pulled the card. But seeing the cards let me know what is necessary and also what is possible.
This reading isn't just for me, it's for anyone who wants to heal from the inside out.
Now is the time for healing. This very moment. (Astrologically speaking, Mercury is in retrograde. You could Mercury Rx as a time of chaos, mis-communication, and technology snafus...or you could see it as a time to let go, release, and become free of what weighs you down. Mercury is a messenger, a Page of sorts if we were to find him in the Tarot.)
To heal, we must release what no longer serves us. We must let go. You can see these things that no longer serve us as the swords puncturing the heart, or as the heavy burden that is carried a great distance.
These things that no longer serve is can manifest in various forms. They may be thoughts, emotions, traumas, events, relationships, careers, locations, or friends. They may be spiritual in nature or physical.
In theory, release sounds great and easy. In reality, when there are many sticks and wounds and swords that you've been carrying around with you, it's really hard to let go and to heal.
When the heart is wounded, it tends to manifest in many different forms. The name of the heart chakra is sanskrit is "anahata," which translates to "unstruck." What if we could love our hearts and heal this chakra, so that the wounds that we carry in this space were healed and gave the appearance of being unstruck? What if we had unconditional love for ourselves? What if we held ourselves, soothed ourselves, and told ourselves that it would all be okay?
I think that then, a great healing would take place.
We also tend to carry so much on our shoulders. It may be the past, or it may be present-day responsibilities. Most people have a long to-do list, or feel overwhelmed. When we release the burden and slow down, healing can happen. When we lay down the sticks that are weighing us down, we are free to walk forward without restriction and heal.
For me personally, meditation is a great tool and catalyst for healing and transforming from within.
After my Tarot reading, I made dinner and contemplated the meaning of the cards a bit more. Then, while dinner was cooking, I sat in front of my altar and meditated.
I first imagined my heart as the heart in the traditional 3 of Swords. I named the swords, I saw the wounds, I honored the past. Then, I slowly, in my mind's eye, energetically pulled the swords out and discarded them. Sometimes, more swords with different names would appear. Other times, the sword was difficult to pull away. I then sent Reiki to the wounds, and watched them heal up.
Next, I saw myself carrying a bundle of ten sticks. I named each burden, and then laid it down. Some burdens were extremely heavy. But I did it. I told the sticks that they could return back to the earth. I no longer needed them.
Then, I felt free.
I recorded a guided meditation for you, in case you have swords and sticks that you no longer need. You can listen and download it here.
Today is Imbolc, a celebration of light and new beginnings. Imbolc marks the time between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox, when we start to notice that spring is on the horizon. It is a time for cleansing, for wishes, for divination. Light a candle for yourself. Find a sacred moment today. Journey towards healing.
xo & deep deep love.