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Letter to my Younger Mystic Self, age 13


Dear One,

Thank you so much for joining me in this process of healing and learning.


Dear 13-year-old mystic Elle,

Oh my love. I know that right now things feel really confusing and strange and out of place. I know that the mysteries of life are feeling especially intense. I know that you are still trying to figure out what it means to be here, in this human form, and yet somehow still so connected to some other realm. I know that you are worried about so many things - from the state of your own soul to the environment to how to present yourself in public so as not to be too different. 

You’ve been paying attention to your dreams and finding them to be more vivid. 

You’re experiencing lucidity and intuition in your dream world for the first time.  

You’ve been keeping track of the times when you knew something that you shouldn’t know.  

And you’re not sure what to make of it.

On one hand, you feel like you might have inherited this. Perhaps it runs in the blood.  

On the other hand, you feel this intense Catholic guilt and so in your nightly conversations with God you ask to be relieved from the weight of this wisdom, which feels like insight you’re not supposed to have.

My love, I know that escaping this part of yourself might feel easier than accepting it and learning about it, but if I could ask one thing of you, it would be to not pray this away and instead to hold it dear and explore it. To claim it and to continue recording it, along with your dreams, in your journal. This wisdom is a part of your nature.  

When it quiets down a bit, it will feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, and that missing piece will feel more painful and confusing than anything at all.

One piece of solace is that, even if you do pray this away, your intuition will come forward in playful ways as you get older and navigate through high school. This playful way will feel especially safe and while grounded in mystery, it will feel okay and so familiar, a glimpse of the wholeness of your Self.  

It will feel like a game - you’ll feel it coming on and write these insights down on pieces of paper folded up in your pocket, thinking that perhaps you can show someone when your words unfold into this reality, but you never do.  

I know that sometimes you will wonder if you are making this all up. I know that sometimes, when you even *think* you are making it all up, that it ends up unfolding anyways. Take solace in the fact that one day, you will find a sense of sacred union with a dear friends, with whom you can share these intuitive nudges - and they will believe you. 

One of the best things you will do during this time is find kinship with an Amethyst and Rose Quartz, which you will oddly enough purchase from the store at Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse.  

This will be a strangely familiar experience - to close your eyes and feel into the energy of these crystals, to carry them in your pockets, to keep them on your desk as you work on homework, to tuck them under your pillow at night, to whisper to them and to allow them to whisper back to you.  

You do this in secret because you stopped talking to rocks when you were 4 years old. But it feels like this Amethyst and this Rose Quartz have so many messages for you. Continue to get to know them, to carry them with you, to allow your spirit to be calmed by them, to allow your heart to expand in their presence.

As much as you can, dear one, embrace these pieces of your self, full of the unknown and the sacred.  Ten years from now, or so, things will start to fall into place and make more sense. I know that seems like such a long time away, like eons...but it will be worth the wait.  

Stay grounded so that you remain present within this experience of life. You don’t go outside as much as you did when you were younger, but perhaps it is time to practice grounding within the mind-space. To imagine yourself a tree, with roots planted into the earth. To imagine the energy of the earth, rising up through your body, as though your legs were straws. Allow yourself to be here in this human experience.

With love, 

Your Self in 2017

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