Thank you so much for joining me in this process of healing and learning. What you are about to read below is a part of a series of letters to my younger self.
This project began when I was connecting with a dear sister of mine and she asked: "What would it look like to write letters to your younger mystic self?"
That idea really struck a chord with me - to imagine my younger self receiving these letters felt like such a gift, like sweet medicine.
And I desired to share these letters with you, my dear community, as I imagine that perhaps, a younger or current version of yourself may also wish to feel into these words.
Dear Mystic 22-year-old Elle,
Ah, I can feel the deep exhale of independence that you feel, having moved to your very own home by the sea with C, where you can watch the lightning storms flash over the water from your kitchen and watch the clouds float over the moon from the skylight in your bedroom. You know you are meant to be here, in this place, with C, as your bedroom reminds you of a sacred place you visited in a dream once. So when you saw the bedroom, you pulled C aside and told her, and right then and the papers were signed. The way that she trusts your intuitive wisdom feels like a luscious elixir to your spirit.
This place is your sanctuary. A safe place unlike any other that you have known before. It feels like there is so much time and space here. The ledge around your bedroom is the perfect place to set up your very first altar, where you will gather bits of all that feels deeply holy to you.
It is here that so many pieces of your journey will come together.
It is this year that you will wander around this little city and come across a crystal shop. Here, your love for these gifts from the earth will be re-ignited as you find deep connections with a smooth piece of fluorite, and become acquainted with a whole cosmic collection of other crystals and stones. The woman who owns this store will see you walk in and with a smile on her face, allow you to hold this crystal and that crystal, and when you speak of the conversations or energetic sensensations that come forward with a stone, she will nod and smile and speak of her own experiences. And with that, you feel as though a large piece of your world and experiences are safe and held here.
It is this year that you will find yourself walking to the library daily, first to check your email and play with your website, and then to pore through the new book section. In this place, you will check out myth after myth, countless poems, and eventually you will come across a book by Deepak Chopra that will open up a new portal for you. Through a couple of sentences in this book, you form a cosmic connection with the Goddess Saraswati, and you will commune with her often. This book also teaches you about mantra, which you have practiced before but never in Sanskrit. The words taste sweet and familiar on your tongue, like honey, as you repeat them while sitting on your bed, holding your fluorite and then connecting to the waves within the ocean of consciousness within the cosmos.
It is this year that you will walk to a small cafe on the hill with C and be surprised by a group of tarot readers who are there. The readings are supposed to be 5 minutes, but when you sit down before a woman named Colleen, she pulls almost a dozen cards for you - the High Priestess, the Empress, the Ace of Swords, and many more come up for you. She looks you in the eye with curiosity and recognition and asks “My dear, do you have your own tarot deck yet?” And you respond no, but tell her of the deck that your friends share with you. “Well, I think it’s time you get your own deck, love. The cards are calling to you.”
And so, that week you seek out a Tarot deck, and one speaks to you louder than the rest in the store, for it works with herbs and reminds you of your time in the little shop when you were a teenager. When that week, the library has a Tarot guidebook in the free section, just for you, you know that there must be something magical happening here.
I know that in this moment, you are feeling regret for praying away your intuition when you were younger. I know you feel a longing, stronger than ever, to connect to that part of yourself. I know you feel like you must have lost so much time, feeling unsafe in the past. And that now you are like a sponge, soaking it all in and then swelling up with so much emotion, in awe of the beauty of it all.
I invite you, dear one, to find a bit of an exhale around this. To know that this regret does not serve you and will only hinder your forward motion.
Instead, look around at these luscious resources and experiences and see that they are here to guide you forward on your path. I know that since you are a year after graduation from university, and you feel like you should know what you’re doing and have a sort of definite clarity around your whole life. Allow me to let you in on a little secret: it’s okay to feel lost, to feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, but to allow your spirit to lead the way and to hold the callings of your spirit to be true above all else. I know that for you, you feel like you have missed out on something, but in reality, you have been collecting these experiences and piecing them together and now, as someone who has been in this body on this planet for 22 years, you are fitting the pieces together and noticing how the tapestry of the spiritual realm extends far and wide.
This is a time of deep remembering. Of seeing through your biological eyes and through your third eye. Of finding that you can harness your intuition, and allow her to speak through you as you shuffle the tarot cards, as you write, as you dive into meditation. This a time when you will feel a gorgeous flow of joy and beauty as you walk to work and feel a deep union with all of the trees, and find the illusion of separation between you and all of nature to be lifted, as you walk forward in a state of ecstasy. You as you greet families at work, the veil of separation will feel lifted as well, and you will practice observing the observer and almost laugh at the awakening of it all.
This is a time of freedom. Soak it in. Experience every moment fully. Whether you are creating art, practicing yoga, dancing in an empty bar with C and T, writing, sneaking gin in glass vitamin bottles into concerts (or sneaking yourself into Bob Dylan concerts...twice…), communing with the goddess, baking biscotti on a snow day, meditating, reading, or embodying the archetypes of the tarot...each of these moments is sacred and precious. It is in this time that you understand that there is no separation between the sacred and the mundane.
Allow your curiosity to carry you forward. Continue talking to the divine and writing down her words. Continue journaling around the energetics of mantra, and continue finding your own meanings within the Tarot. One of the best things you will ever do in the upcoming years is follow the advice of the Tarot - both in your own readings and in the readings of your dear Tarot reader, Colleen. If you can, ask Colleen for her email address so that you can thank her years later. This is one thing you will wish that you could do many times over the next decade.
Allow the beauty and connection of the cosmic experiences you have during this time to carry you forward. Allow this to both quench your thirst and make you thirst for more, as you drink this all in. You are walking around a new layer of the spiral of life. From here forward, you will feel at home, as a mystic walking on this earthly plane. Welcome this sensation with open arms.
Your Self in 2017.